


Sleepless Nights On The Edge Of The Galaxy

by I_hate_usernames



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: "one side crushes", Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, Homesickness, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, It's bad, Kissing, Lance can't sleep, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pining, Sleep, Sleep Deprivation, This is very emotional, at least I hope this makes you veryvery emotional, but probably some heated make overs at least, developing feelings, not planning on making this smut, selfdoupt, this is probably a slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-09 20:30:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7816123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_hate_usernames/pseuds/I_hate_usernames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lance can't sleep and it's getting bad. It hurts. He is exhausted. He is lashing out and he doesn't know what to do. Running into Keith in the dark hallways in the middle of the night, he finds surprising comfort. And a surprising other to snuggle with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He turned. He turned again. He moved his hand. He moved his cheek on the pillow. He raised his knee on a hook beside him. He turned again.

 

No position was comfortable. And Lance kept changing his every minute or so. He was tired, _exhausted_. His muscles screamed for rest. His mind screamed for sleep. He closed his eyes. He prayed. Please, please, _please_ , just let him fall asleep. Just stop. Breathe. Stop thinking. Go to sleep. Please. Please let him sleep.

 

But as he had come to learn seven nights ago, he was not going to fall asleep no matter how hard he tried.

 

And so he gave up. Getting up to sit on the edge of his bed almost made him cry. It hurt. It physically hurt. As well as emotionally. Taking a deep but shuddering breath he tried and tried to keep the stinging tears from falling. Technically there was nobody around to even witness it if he would fall apart but, like the recent nights had taught him, if he were to let go now, he would not be able to stop.

 

He considered it. Crying himself to sleep. Letting go and just falling apart. Letting the universe crush him until he would just black out from the weight of it.

 

But… he knew it wouldn’t make tomorrow better. Staying up all night than getting one or two hours of sleep with tears stinging his eyes would ensure a slightly better tomorrow.

 

His muscles screamed. Stop. Go back. Don’t - just don’t move. Lance wasn’t completely sure why he wasn’t listening to them. Why was he pushing it? Why did he even try? Why couldn’t he just stop? Give up?

 

Oh wow… Things must be going really bad if his thoughts sounded this suicidal.

 

And well… Yes, yes they were really bad.

 

Lance stood up and slowly he got his legs to do what his mind wanted. He started walking. He left his room. Posture hunched and his hands stuffed into his pockets.

 

Lance thought about his so called “sleep math” in his mind. He had slept about three and half an hour last night. If he stayed up all night now, he might be able to get even six hours tomorrow night. Tomorrow day he was going to train with the other paladins so if he just pushed through it, he would just have to be so exhausted when he went to sleep that he didn’t even have to fall asleep. He would just pass out. And sleep at least five hours before he woke up. Seven if he was really really lucky.

 

Or maybe he would just pass out somewhere on these hallways if he just kept walking long enough.

 

And so he walked. And walked. There wasn’t really a day and night times in space because they weren’t currently on any planet and there wasn’t a star close enough to represent the day with its light and night with its absence. No, they were in space and it was just dark. All the time. Instead, to pretend that it was currently night, as in everybody should be in their rooms sleeping, all the lights had been shut down. Leaving the castle ship in almost complete darkness if it wasn’t for the faint glow of these night lamp like lights on the walls near one’s ankles and the glow of stars just outside of the windows. Lance kept walking only on the aisles that had windows showing the infinite space just outside. Though he mostly just stared his toes as he kept walking.

 

The artificial gravity kept getting stronger and stronger as he kept walking. Lance wondered if it was because some machine was broken, or the more likely explanation that he was just that exhausted. He was probably just that exhausted.

 

And so, no matter how hard he tried to tell himself to fucking keep moving, his legs stopped. Refusing to take even one single step forward. Lance tried to tell himself that he only had one mind and his legs would have to listen to it if he just forced it. But that one mind had a stronger part screaming that it had had enough. He was not gonna move.

 

If you are that exhausted then now is the perfect time to go back to your room and sleep there. You have been moving in circles. It wouldn’t be that far away. Just. Go. To. Your. Room.

 

It was weird. Lance really felt like he was screaming to himself from outside of his body because no matter how much he tried to reason with himself and force himself to move, all he managed to do was go to the nearest wall and slump to the floor sliding his back against it.

 

You are an idiot. Someone is going to find you. Please. Just listen to yourself.

 

All he did was close his eyes and he was out.

 

\---

 

“Lance?” The voice was quiet and careful, it sounded worried. Despite its softness, it was like someone slapped Lance awake. Shaking his head and blinking rapidly he directed his gaze towards the voice. He was lying on the ground his cheek smacked against the cold surface. There seemed to be some drool coming from his open mouth.

 

The voice belonged to no other than Keith. It just fucking had to be Keith. Great. Juuust great. He was standing in front of him, arms crossed, looking down at him. Probably figuratively as well as literally.

 

Abruptly raising to sit down, Keith wiped the drool of his cheek.

 

“Keith.”

 

“What are you doing sleeping on the floor?”

 

Avoiding his gaze, Lance stood up and dusted imaginary dust off himself. “Boy, nighttime bathroom breaks are not a good idea after the training we did yesterday. I must have fallen asleep as I was coming back.”

 

“Lance…”, Keith did not sound convinced. He sounded worried. Lance did not like that tone. At all.

 

“Please, mister high-and-mighty-I-don’t-get-exhauster-ever, give me a break. I went to the bathroom. I got tired. I rested for a bit and fell asleep. That’s it.” Lance shot an angry glare towards Keith but was quick to look away. Too afraid what a longer eye contact would reveal about himself.

 

“Now if you'll excuse me. I have to go change my clothes.”

 

Still avoiding Keith’s eyes Lance turned and started walking. Praying he was going to the right direction. He was. Was someone on his side for a change?

 

“Lance”, Keith said with a demanding voice. Lance didn’t know why he stopped. He wanted to keep going. He didn’t turn Keith’s way though. Staying frozen, he waited for Keith to continue.

 

“You don’t have to come train today. You could just rest for the day, if you feel like it.”

 

Lance’s shoulders tensed. Still, recovering surprisingly quickly he relaxed them letting out a quick laugh. “And let you train and get better as I lounge around? Oh, I don’t think so. Or wait? Are you afraid I’m gonna beat you?” Daring to look back, Lance winked obnoxiously at Keith. It didn’t have the desiring affect. Instead of looking annoyed at Lance, Keith still stared at him with that hard worried stare. Ignoring that, Lance turned and walked away. Not saying another word anymore.

 

Keith didn’t stop him.

  
  


\----

 

He was exhausted. Good. Great. That meant he had to fall asleep. There was no way his mind was gonna stop him now. He had slept on the fucking floor last night. His bed was gonna be like a cloud. He was going to fall asleep.

 

The day had sucked. Big time. It had been full of avoiding Keith and his stupid worried gaze that kept following him. Not that his other teammates were any better. All of them staring at him worried and confused. Yeah, Lance kept messing up. He kept getting hit by even the simplest of attacks. Falling down. Getting distracted. Moving slowly. Attacking with like zero force. He tried to brush it off, to joke and whine it away like he usually did, but nobody seemed convinced. He was getting frustrated. And angry. Stop staring him! How about you focus on what you’re doing? Stop minding other people’s business.

 

Okay, he got it? It wasn’t just his business. He was their teammate. And he was affecting the whole team.

 

He was sparring with Keith. The bastard was not fighting him with full force. In fact, his dodges and attacks were so lazy that it felt like he was treating him like a child. “Come on, jackass, is that all you got? How about you at least try? Or are you afraid that I will hurt you? Are you afraid you big baby?” His words did not have the desired effect. A notion that was occurring more and more often. Keith kept his cool and lazily dodged his attacks like it was nothing. Fucking fight him!

 

Gritting his teeth, Lance tried to put all his strength under one fast swing of his sword. Keith stopped it with his own sword and didn’t look like it had taken him any strength to do so. More frustrated and angry, Lance kept coming at him with more reckless moves, leaving his defence more and more open. Keith wasn’t even trying to hit him even when there were clear opportunities.

 

“Just fight me you bastard!” Lance yelled as his frustration met its limit. He tried another attack and looking like he was almost bored, Keith finally decided to attack back one too. After stopping his attack like it was nothing he simply waved his sword quick and easy under Lance’s feet and just like that he was down on the ground on his back.

 

The hit hurt. His muscles hurt. Every move hurt. And so falling on his back with his full weight hurt just that much more. Letting out pained grunt he squeezed his fists closed and closed his eyes. There was a sharp white pain behind his eyelids. He had hit his head too. Not badly enough tough since he was still awake. Boy, did he wish that he would have just blacked out.

 

“Lance, are you okay? I’m so sorry! I meant for you to block it!” came Keith’s voice somewhere from his side. Yeah, and he should have been able to do just that if he wasn’t moving like a damn toddler. Feeling a hand land on his shoulder, Lance’s whole body froze up. With a sharp move he shied away from the touch and got up, turning his back on Keith.

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“Lance…”

 

“No! No, stop that! Stop speaking to me at that voice! Stop looking at me like that! Stop pulling your punches! Stop being a baby and treat me like your teammate and not like a child!” He was yelling. And silence was all around him. Turning his furious gaze from Keith he saw everybody looking at him. With that look. It only made him more furious.

 

“What is wrong with you guys! Seriously, stop looking at me like that!”

 

“Lance…” It was Shiro. His voice warning. Everybody were tense. Everybody were looking at him. He was so tired. He was so mad. Mad at the others. Mad at the world. Mad at himself.

 

“Stop it!” Stop saying his name! Stop looking at him! Stop! _Stop_! He wanted to punch someone. He wanted to punch Keith. He wanted to run himself against a wall and just die. Knowing with frustration that he wouldn’t even be able to hit anyone, Lance threw his sword he was clutching in his hand to the floor. It clattered loudly. Hunk and Pidge visibly shook from the sound. Lance was fuming and he felt like he was gonna burst down and just cry any minute.

 

“Lance. You should go and get some rest. Your training for the day is over.” Shiro’s voice was commanding. Lance gulped. For a moment he considered to fight against his order but somewhere under his fuming mind and exhaustion there was a sensible part. Part that told him to go. He had made bad enough scene already. With no reason whatsoever. Go. Leave. Or you will make it worse.

 

And so Lance turned. Storming out of the training room he made sure to bang the door forcefully behind him. As the loud sound disappeared he was left in the soundless hallway all alone. With only his thoughts. And his thoughts were not on his side these days. What had he done? Not ever, not once had he ever done anything like that. He had yelled at his teammates. What were they thinking of him right now?

 

Feeling panic and anxiety grip him tighter than ever before Lance was already running before he even made the conscious decision to do so. He had to get away. He got to.. He had to.. He didn’t know what he was going to do. He just needed to get away. For a moment. He needed to calm down. Away. 

 

\----

 

Lance woke up feeling his neck being so stiff that he could barely even turn it. Sleeping on his lions cab bench without having any support for his head was apparently not a good idea. Then again he didn’t really remember falling asleep. These days he never fell asleep, he passed out after he was exhausted enough.

 

He remembered running here like someone was chasing him and he remembered gasping for breath as tears just kept rolling from his eyes. He remembered it had just went on and on. The cabin had felt small and the air inside so stiff he was sure he was gonna suffocate.

 

And now here he was. Nowhere near feeling better. His eyes stung, his hands shook. He was just as exhausted than before, if not more. But at the same time he felt awake enough that he knew he was not gonna sleep anytime soon. And based on how dark it was outside of Blue, it was currently night and everybody else were most probably asleep.

 

Running his hands over his face and taking deep breaths Lance told himself to stay calm. There was no telling how long he could do that and there was no telling how long he would be gasping for breath in a state of panic if he let go.

 

He wondered if anyone had been looking for him. Probably they had. They were his teammates after all. And they cared about him. Probably.

 

The force field around his lion made it pretty difficult to reach him though. And if someone had figured out his hiding place then they wouldn’t have been able to approach him.

 

Lance noticed that Blue was making this weird calming hum that flowed through him. It actually helped a little. He had even slept better. Though not perfectly.

 

Oh my god. This was just getting worse. And it probably would continue to get worse, though Lance didn’t know how worse it could get.

 

Hearing the loud grumble his empty stomach made, Lance figured he had to leave Blue to get a bite to eat. It was bad enough that his body was weak and shaking from exhaustion, he could barely stand up with how hungry he was. Way to torture yourself to death Lance, he thought.

 

And so, Lance left the calming presence of Blue and made his way, very slowly, towards the kitchens. He searched for support from the walls and stopped to take a breath every once awhile. He felt weaker than ever before.

 

The green pulp was surprisingly good when he was just this hungry. After eating three bowls he felt slightly better but he was still exhausted. It seemed that he would probably be exhausted for the rest of his pitiful life before he up and died because of it.

 

Or died because of some error he did in battle. And got his fellow paladins hurt in the process.

 

Lance probably could have eaten a fourth bowl of the green space pulp but remembering what had happened that day, he suddenly felt all of his appetite disappear. He squeezed his shaking hands into fist and tried to take a deep calming breath to calm himself down but all the emotions were raising up so fast that it felt like a tidal wave was hitting him square on the chest. The weight of it crushing all breath out of him.

 

How could it be this bad? He had never ever acted like that before. He had yelled at them. He had been so full of rage. He had wanted to hurt them. He had wanted to hurt himself. He still did. And he wasn’t sure why he didn’t. He was broken. What was wrong with him that he couldn’t sleep? Why couldn’t he just… just get over it. At this rate he was going to kill himself from exhaustion. Maybe that would be better. Maybe the others would be better off without him. He was broken. He was weak. He was a burden. The last time they had formed Voltron he had been able to do it. That had been three days ago. He wasn’t so sure it would work out this time. He was going to get his friends killed. They deserved better. They deserved someone else as the blue paladin.

 

Oh boy… Lance, relax, things aren’t that bad. What is wrong with you? Pull yourself together. Stop crying like a baby. Man up. _What is wrong with you_.

 

His hands shook so violently that he figured that staying put didn’t do him any good. Walk it off. Calm. Down. For god’s sake calm down.

 

As Lance walked out of the kitchen, he happened to see his reflection from one of the shiny surfaces of the cabinets. It was blurry but sharp enough to see just how crappy he looked. He didn’t even seem to recognize himself. This had went on just a week. How could he look like that? How could he be thinking like this. Who was he? What was so wrong with him that it was just getting worse.

 

Lance turned sharply away from the reflection and walked away. His muscles ached and he just wanted to sleep. Why couldn’t he. What was wrong with him.

 

Lance walked, and walked, the same thoughts going around and around in his head as he went around and around the dark castle hallways. Until finally he came to a stop on some random hallway with floor to ceiling windows showing the infinitive space behind them. Staring at the millions and millions of stars just before him made his mind weirdly blank. And so, leaning on the other wall with his back, he settled down and just stayed there… staring at the galaxy before him.

 

He stayed there. Feeling strangely blank and numb. His mind stopped turning the bad thoughts and running them over and over in his head. He was… kind of relaxed. Compared to before he was relaxed. Compared to normal relaxed he was nowhere near that kind of serenity. There was anxiety gripping him at his chest. There was panic bubbling inside him. It was a struggle to keep his breathing right and all the bad thoughts attacked him as soon as he closed his eyes, like they were just waiting behind the darkness of his eyelids. And so, Lance fought against the urge to close his eyes.

 

Time went on. Lance couldn’t really tell whether he had been sitting here for hours or minutes. He supposed it didn’t matter. For now he would stay.

 

The silence made him feel so… so alone. Alone in this castle, alone in the whole universe.

 

“Lance?” came a quiet careful voice. Breaking the really really _really_ long silence and startling Lance who visibly jumped where he was sitting.

 

“K-Keith…” he answered back. Oh no. Oh no. No. No. He was not ready to confront anyone. Please don’t ask him. Please. Please don’t - 

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Stammering Lance looked around and after a while made a pitiful unsure gesture towards the window. “I- I- Um- I was just- Uh… I was just looking at the… stars.”

 

“Okay”, Keith said like his explanation was enough for him and continued, “Can I sit with you?”

 

“U- Um… Yes, I guess…” Lance stammered. Keith sat next to him. He raised his knees and wrapped his hands loosely around them. Silence surrounded them.

 

Lance’s whole body was stiff. He didn’t know what to do. What to say. He felt like Keith should be interrogating him right now. Yet he wasn’t. He just sat there. He didn’t even look at him. He was looking at the stars. Total pokerface on, so Lance couldn’t tell what he was thinking whatsoever.

 

Time went on and Keith didn’t do anything. Little by little Lance started to relax, relax as much he could at least. He stopped checking Keith every second and also turned to look out into the space like he had before. The numbness and feeling of detachment returning.

 

“I’m- I’m sorry… About today. I didn’t mean to be that way. I don’t know what happened”, said Lance finally, breaking the silence that had went on. Not that he felt Keith was expecting it nor because the silence had felt awkward. He just finally felt comfortable and brave enough to say it aloud. Keith didn’t turn to look at him nor did he make any kind of noise to tell him that he had even heard him. But he must have since he wasn’t deaf, the hallway was totally silent and Lance had spoken quite clearly. After a while of waiting Lance turned away from looking Keith and continued to look out into the endless black universe.

 

“Do you know what’s causing this? Why you can’t sleep?” Keith didn’t turn to look at him as he spoke and Lance turned to look just a bit more away from Keith.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Could you tell me?”

 

“You would just make fun of me”, Lance said. He was fidgeting with his shirt now. Refusing to look anywhere near Keith anymore. He could feel him staring him now.

 

“No I wouldn’t.”

 

“Well… You wouldn’t understand it anyway.”

 

“I may not understand. I may not even be able to help you. But I’m here and I can listen. It’s not much but if there’s a chance it will help… I’m here for you. In fact, we are all here for you. Hunk, Pidge, Shiro, Allura, Coran, if you don’t want to talk to me you can talk to some of them. But Lance… _Please_ … Just talk to someone. Let us help you. Don’t try to suffer alone in silence and let it eat you up. _We need you_.”

 

Lance couldn’t help but meet Keith’s eyes in surprise at the last part. “You- You do?”

 

“Of course we do. We couldn’t replace you. Lance, please. Just talk to me.”

 

Seeing the pure honesty and plea in his eyes was too much. Lance turned his gaze away and stared straight ahead trying to swallow the lump in his throat away and command the stinging tears in his eyes away before they could fall.

 

“It’s stupid really… I’ll get over it… You don’t have to worry.”

 

“It’s not stupid. Lance, you can tell me.”

 

Defeated, Lance sighed. “I’m homesick, okay? There, that’s your explanation. I’m like a seven year old in a sleep over who can’t stop crying over mommy. I’m pathetic.”

 

“You’re not pathetic.”

 

Becoming just a little bit angry, Lance turned to look at Keith with tears and fury in his eyes.

 

“Yes I am. I’m so pathetic that I can’t sleep. I lay in my bed and try to fall asleep and this… this keeps ruining it. The anxiety becomes so bad that I can’t breathe… I can’t- I can’t-” Lance's breathing was becoming labored, tears breaking free even though he tried to stop them. “And- And it just keeps getting worse and worse and I can’t stop… I can’t stop it and I’m so alone”, Lance had to stop talking in order to gasp for breath. He gripped his head with his hands. Pulling his hair he curled up and tried to stop the anxiety swelling up in his chest. “It’s okay… It’s okay.. I’ll get over it… I promise… I promise… What is _wrong_ with me? Why can’t I stop? What is wrong with me?” It burned. It was crushing him. He couldn’t breathe. He was so alone. What was wrong with him? Stop it. _Stop it_. Calm down. What was is wrong with you!

 

“Lance! Lance! Listen to me! Can you hear me? Lance, please! Just breathe. It’s okay. You’re okay. Just keep breathing. You’re going to be okay. Lance. Lance can you hear me?” It was Keith. How long had he been talking? How long had he been gasping for air like this? Slowly it was coming back to him. He could feel hands holding him tight. Grasping for support Lance squeezed Keith’s shirt in his hand pressing his forehead against his chest.

 

“It’s okay. It’s okay. Just breathe Lance. Just breathe.” Keith’s voice was becoming calmer and he was hugging him tight. He was keeping him close, keeping him grounded. The tightness of his hold, the feeling of warmth and the steadily raising chest under his forehead was slowly calming him down. The air seemed like oxygen again and Lance’s breathing evened out.

 

“That’s it. That’s good. Just keep breathing. It’s okay.”

 

“I don’t understand what is happening to me. I don’t recognize myself. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with you Lance. It’s going to be okay. Just breathe for now. You don’t have to talk.”

 

Lance took a really deep breath through his nose, smelling Keith’s faint scent he couldn’t really describe, and let it out his mouth. It shook on the way out and he repeated the process again and again. Focusing solely on his breathing. Letting it consume him.

 

They stayed like that for so long that their position changed. Lance turning his head to hear Keith’s steady heartbeat below his ear. And again, they stayed there so long that finally Lance pulled away from this awkward hug Keith was giving him. They stayed side to side, Keith loosely keeping his hold on Lance. Lance’s head resting on his shoulder, they looked out the window. Lance still keeping his focus on his breathing but letting his mind go just a little bit blank from staring into space again.

 

“It’s weird. I kind of feel a little more sad and alone staring out into space and yet… it calms me down… It’s even just a little bit comforting.” There was a questioning hum from Keith. “I’m homesick because I miss my family. I didn’t get to say goodbye. They don’t know what happened to me. And I will never know what happens to them. After enough time has passed, I will be as good as dead to them. And they will be as good as dead to me. But we are looking at the same kind of stars.”

 

There was a moment of silence.

 

“You don’t get it”, Lance stated.

 

“I- I don’t really have anything on earth I miss, so I don’t share the feeling. But I do understand it. And it’s not stupid. Your family is a big part of you. And you shouldn’t lose hope. There's still a chance that you could still someday see them.”

 

Lance let out an unconvinced puff of air and slid away from Keith’s hold. “Yeah right. Zarkon has been taking over the universe over 10,000 years. Sure, we are going to fix everything in our lifetime and just go back to earth. Oh hey, maybe it will just take couple of years and I will be home to see my sister’s graduation.”

 

Lance had completely pulled away from Keith’s touch. “Lance…”

 

“I accept it. We are never going back on earth. I just have to get over it.”

 

His moods sure were flying from one side to the other. Just a while ago he had been gasping for breath and desperately trying to find support from Keith. Now he was trying to build walls around himself and take distance from Keith. He turned his eyes just a little bit more away from Keith.

 

“You should go to sleep. I’ll be okay. If I just stay up this night I’ll be able to sleep tomorrow night. Today was just especially rough. I can deal with this. I’m getting used to it.” He wasn’t getting used to it. He wanted so much to just go sleep. There even was a chance that he even might be able to fall asleep if he tried. But he had to keep his eyes open if he wanted to fight off the anxiety.

 

“You are not okay. You need to sleep Lance”, came Keith’s strict answer.

 

“Well I can’t. So what can I do. If I go to my bed now, I’ll just feel alone and anxious. I won't fall asleep. It’s better that I stay up. I can sleep tomorrow.

“You should go. You can sleep and if I won’t be able to function properly, it’s better that at least four of the paladins can.”

 

“Lance…”

 

“This will probably just pass along the way. It’s better to just push through it. I’ll be okay.”

 

Keith didn’t protest for a while. Silence coming down on them. He didn’t leave either.

 

“I- Um… Maybe there’s something that would help.”

 

“Huh, like what exactly?” Lance countered sarcastically.

 

“Well… If you feel alone and anxious sleeping alone in your bed then maybe… Maybe it would help if you slept next to someone else.”

 

“What, you offering?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Shocked, Lance turned to look at Keith. There was only dead seriousness in his eyes. Keith… His rival was offering to sleep with him? What the hell? He waited for his poker face to crack and him to tell it was just joke but he didn’t.

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Yes.” Dead serious. Keith wasn’t kidding. Lance searched his eyes for a while. Considering…

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay”, Keith repeated after him. Confirming this decision. He stood up. Waiting only long enough that Lance started to stood up too before turning and starting to walk away. Lance followed him in silence, his mind puzzling with questions. What was happening? Were they really doing this?

 

Considering that Keith was currently opening his room’s door for him, it certainly seemed like it. Lance entered.

 

After closing the door behind them. Keith simply made his way into the bed. After settling under the covers he simply gave him an expectant look as an invitation. Was Lance really this desperate that he was going to sleep next to Keith? Yes, yes he was. He was more than desperate. A little slower, he made his way to the bed and sat down next to it. Looking down at himself he felt that he wasn’t really dressed properly to enter someone else's bed. He was still in his sweaty training clothes. “It’s okay. Just be like you want”, Keith said as if reading his mind.

 

But Lance didn’t want to sleep in his sweaty training clothes next to Keith. No. Way. He still had at least a little bit of pride inside of him. There was a lamp next to the bed that was still shedding some light into the room. Lance reached to turn it off. As almost complete darkness folded around them he tentatively took off his socks. Then his pants. Then his jacket and hoodie. Until he was sitting on the edge of the bed in only his t-shirt and boxers. It was dark so Keith couldn’t see him. Slowly he too slipped under the covers, resting next to Keith on his back.

 

They both stayed silent. Both just a bit tense. What now? Did they just try to fall asleep. This didn’t really feel like that different from sleeping in his bed alone. Sure, Lance could feel another presence next to him and hear Keith’s breathing. Yet he still felt alone.

 

Maybe just a little closer.

 

Slowly, Lance turned on his side and came just a little closer of Keith. He didn’t protest. He didn’t even move.

 

Closing his eyes Lance tried again. Noup. Not working. This wasn’t going to work.

 

Well don’t give up yet. Remember just how desperate you are. You are really fucking desperate. At least take it all the way before you give up.

 

And so… Lance edged just a bit closer. And again, closer. Until he was almost touching Keith. He hadn’t moved. Was he even breathing? Lance waited.

 

Finally, Keith moved. He turned on his side, facing Lance. He came a little bit closer. They were really close. Lance could feel Keith's breath on his face.

 

Lance felt so nervous about this that he didn’t even notice he wasn’t feeling the ever present anxiety in his chest anymore. Taking the final leap of faith he closed the remaining distance, pressing his face against Keith’s chest and wrapping his hand over Keith’s side. Keith wrapped his hands around him too.

 

Lance wanted to ask if this was okay. They hadn’t really discussed snuggling. And they were snuggling now. Too afraid Keith would tell Lance to back off, he decided against asking whether this was okay or not. It was working. Somehow. For some reason it was working. Lance’s heart was beating like crazy and his shoulders were stiff and he had to remind himself to breathe calm and evenly. But it was working. He didn’t feel anxiety. He didn’t feel alone. Keith was there. And his hold, his warmth, his smell were all relaxing him. Maybe he could even close his eyes… Maybe it would be okay. 

 

And just like that. As soon as Lance allowed himself to close his eyes. He was asleep.

 

\----


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have some Keith PoW!

Keith lay there on his back. Staring at the ceiling of his room. Lance was tightly attached to his side. His head was crushing his bicep and so his hand was slowly losing feeling. Yet he didn’t move nor try to move Lance.

The idiot looked so damn peaceful and relaxed after such a long time. He still looked kind of shitty. He had lost weight and looked paler and sweatier than usual. He needed this. And as long as he was still asleep, Keith wasn’t going to move.

He felt guilty. Lance hadn’t probably meant anything romantic about this but here he was enjoying the feel of snuggling with Lance. Who was just relying on him for company.

Well… Lance had been the one to attach himself to Keith but still… he shouldn’t make any assumptions.

Minutes ticked by slowly. It was already long way day time. He had slept like seven hours at least before waking up which was pretty normal for him. He felt totally awake and would be up and doing things if it wasn’t for Lance. And that boy hadn’t slept properly in like… a week? He was probably going to be here for a long time trapped like this. He had already been here awake like… two hours at least.

Well… Keith didn’t exactly feel trapped in any way. Sure, changing position once a while would make this more comfortable, but he was perfectly content with just being there with Lance. For Lance. And well… He admitted he felt that he was being like, really, creepy, but he couldn’t help it. He was especially happy getting to stare at Lance without anyone catching him doing it.

As stated before, Lance didn’t look the best version of himself. Yet, he was still looking fucking hot. And that hot piece of ass was currently looking peaceful and cute as he was pressing himself to Keith half naked. Keith was equally thankful and dreading of the fact that he was still covered in clothes. The pros were that he didn’t have to feel Lance skin on skin and he wasn’t making him wet from all the nervous sweat coming from him. The cons were that he wasn’t feeling Lance skin on skin and he was fucking hot. Like oh dear lord it was hot. His room had never felt this thermal ever before. And yes… It was probably more because of the fact there was a warm body pressed to him and because Keith’s thoughts were boiling over the fact that Lance was snuggling with him. Not because the room temperature was any different from the usual.

God it felt good. God he shouldn’t be finding so much pleasure from this. God he felt guilty. God Lance was cute, and warm, and hot.

Once again taking a deep breath Keith tried to steady his thoughts back in order. Just relax and enjoy this.

This was different. Beside the fact that he wasn’t in his bed alone, he was also relaxing in his bed beyond sleeping. A notion he like… never did. He never really just… was. He was always quick to get up after he woke up and always doing something. Training mostly, since there wasn’t much else. He never just… relaxed. And now he kind of had to. Since he couldn’t leave.

There was a chance that Lance wouldn’t even wake up if he carefully left. But one, Keith didn’t want to leave, and two, he wasn’t going to risk it. It didn’t matter if Lance was going to sleep the next ten minutes or the next 24 hours, he would stay here as long as he was asleep and ensure that he would, in fact, keep sleeping peacefully.

Because he was. Lance wasn’t restless or stiff or making any kind of sign that he was anything but peaceful, calm and content.

So yes. Keith was going to stay here as long as that lasted.

As he had worried, eventually someone came to look for him (and Lance, though they probably didn’t expect to find him here too). Hearing two knocks on the door, Keith tensed and waited if Lance was going to react to the noise. He didn’t even stir.

“Come in”, he dared to whisper, hopefully loud enough that whoever was behind the door could hear him. Apparently they did, for the doorknob turned and the door opened revealing Shiro standing behind it.

Shiro brought his gaze from Keith to Lance and back. He didn’t say anything or really let any reaction show from his expression for a while.

“You going to stay here as long as he sleeps?” he asked quietly. Keith nodded.

“Good”, was all Shiro said before he closed the door slowly and softly. Darkness spread through the room once again and after looking out into a bright hallway, Keith was momentarily blind and didn’t see anything. It passed quickly though and after a while he could see Lance in the dimness. The boy hadn’t moved at all. He was still breathing deep and steady. Keith mimicked the movement and tried to calm his fast beating heart down again. Seeing as Lance’s ear was pressed to his chest, he was afraid that it could wake him up. It didn’t.

And so Keith just stayed there and let the time tic by.

\----

After lying under Lance a whole day, Keith eventually even fell asleep again as another night was rolling in. And it wasn’t until he woke up once again the next morning that Lance showed signs of coming out of his really deep sleep that had been going on the last 24 hours. Wow, that boy sure had been exhausted.

Keith watched as Lance’s breathing became a little less regular and deep. How his face twitched and his hand moved. How his long and dark lashes started to shiver. Little by little the brunette was coming back into consciousness and nervousness flooded over Keith. Lance had been like really really tired when they started. And honest. And vulnerable. Would he even remember everything that had happened? How would he react to waking up pressed onto Keith?

Almost holding his breath, Keith watched how Lance’s eyelids fluttered and he slowly blinked them open. Closing them again and keeping them open a little longer next time. Until he didn’t close them anymore but kept them open.

Realizing that Lance was going to look up at him any moment now, Keith closed his eyes and tried to pretend that he was waking up just now too. He blinked at the roof and closed his eyes. As he felt weight lifting off his arm and heard the click of Lance turning on the lamp beside his bed, he blinked his eyes open pretending to be really sleepy and slowly turned to look at Lance. He was staring at him and their eyes met. And they kept staring at each other. Long. Like awkward long. Keith didn’t know what to say or do to break the slowly growing awkward tension. Plus he was focusing all his efforts to NOT stare at Lance’s lips. Which were really close. Really close.

Lance’s eyes flickered between his right and left eye until he broke out into a grin and flopped onto the bed laughing. Keith gulped and took a long breath after being deprived of oxygen a bit too long by holding his breath. Dammit, Keith, stay cool.

Lance kept laughing and awkwardly Keith joined in. Not really sure as to why Lance was laughing.

“Oh my god man! I can’t believe this!” he amazed. He didn't sound upset. Hopefully. At least he was still laughing, of sorts. “I- I- “, Lance settled down a little bringing his hand over his face. He what? What was he thinking?

“I feel great!”

And just like that Lance jumped out of the bed and stretched. “This feels amazing! I feel like I could run a marathon! Though I’m hungry as shit… How long did we sleep, man?” Turning back towards Keith Lance raised his eyebrows expectantly. Keith was currently unable to do anything. Lance was… Lance was standing in front of him in only his underwear and a t-shirt. He could slowly feel his face heat up.

“U- Um… I'm not sure… I’ve been sleeping like you… I uh- Maybe- Maybe we should go out and check?”

“Yeah! You’re right! And, oh boy, I'm like starving. I gotta get some food!”

Finally seeming to notice his attire but not seeming a bit embarrassed by it, Lance just lifted up his t-shirt to sniff it out and made a face. “Ugh… I smell… Sorry, dude, I hope it didn’t bother you…”

“U-um no… I- I didn’t even notice it...” Why was he stammering. Thank god Lance didn’t even seem to notice it. Nor did he notice his stiff posture nor his burning blush on his neck and face.

“Well good.” Seeming to sober down Lance stared at him intently. Keith gulped air down his throat. “I- I don’t know how to thank you man… I- I haven’t felt like this… This normal like… Oh it seems like forever. Oh god, and I don’t- I don’t know how long I could have kept going on like that… I- I can’t even recognize myself from before… Oh my god… Keith... I’m so sorry for the way I acted. How I yelled at you. God… I have to apologize the others too…” 

Lance had slowly sat down on the edge of Keith’s bed as he talked. He brought his hands down his face taking a deep breath. He turned around to face Keith again and suddenly lept forward. Keith’s whole body froze up in surprise when he found Lance suddenly hugging him. There was a muffled the most sincere thank you whispered into his chest. After recovering from the shock, Keith tried awkwardly wrapping his hands around Lance. “You’re welcome.”

After few more seconds of the more or less awkward hug, Lance pulled away not meeting Keith’s eyes anymore. He got up from the bed once again stretching his arms. Keith couldn’t help it that his eyes trailed over the small area of skin that revealed itself from under his shirt with the motion.

“Ah… Yes… So… A shower. Change of clothes. Food”, Lance listed and scooped his clothes off the floor as he was walking towards the door. Keith noticed that Lance didn’t really seem to plan on putting them on though.

Opening the door and being half way out, Lance finally turned back to look at Keith. He sent him a wink and an obnoxious grin. It was a very Lance kind of way of acting and it made Keith’s heart swell with warmth and happiness. That was, until Lance said the last thing before leaving and letting the door close behind him.

“See you later pretty boy.”

Mouth falling open and face burning like crazy Keith could only stare at the closed door before he flopped down on the bed making a long whining grunt like voice and covering his face with his hands. Oh, he was so royally fucked. His crush on that idiot had just increased like... at least 40 pro sent… He was so not going to survive this...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes<3 the sunboy is back! This chapter is on the fluffier side but angst and hurt and pining are still ahead.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love<3 I'm happy to hear your feelings, positive and negative, and constructive criticism is always welcomed!


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